The Proverbial Bird

I feel it everyday

Calling out to me

Begging me to run away 

To find it 

To live it

Everyday 

Every. Single. Day.

It's like homesickness

But I've never been there

It's a horrible ache in your chest

A dreadful incurable disease that feasts upon your soul

And instils the desire in you 

To go forth and do great things but leaves you without the strength to do so

It shows you brief glimpse of the world to be had. Fleeting glances of happiness seen trough half shrouded mystery.

And try as you might you can't reach it. You think and think and think of a way to get there but you can't.

You're grounded. A proverbial bird with broken wings. And you look up to the sky day in and day out, knowing that you are meant to be there .

But then you lift your useless wings and your thoughts quite literally come crashing down. And in that instant you forget the feeling the flight gave you, forget the happiness that bloomed inside your chest, forget the drive that led you there. And all you know is longing. Longing for a place you will never reach. Longing for a life you will never know. 

I'm High Above the City

"I'm high above the city,
I'm standing on the ledge
The view from here is pretty
And I step off the edge"


Hey guys, long time no post. This semester has really taken off and has thrown at me so many challenges -- mental, emotional, and physical. But that's not what I want to talk about today. Well... Not exactly.

I recently made a huge decision, or at least my freshman-in-college mind thinks its a huge decision. I just changed my major. Not one of those "oh I changed my major from English Literature to American Literature." No, I'm talking about a complete 180 turn around. I changed from International Security Studies to Human Relations -- two totally different fields.

The hardest part is that these represent two of the largest parts of my dreams. ISS would allow me to accomplish my goal of seeing new places experiencing new things, and learning new ideas. HR will let me interact with more people, put my creativity to the test, and allow me to give back the world. But I can't find a way to reconcile these two dreams. And underneath these dreams are thousands more, swirling in my consciousness, begging me to make them a reality. I want to be an amazing singer one day, or an influential teacher, or a funny-little coffee shop owner, or a thoughtful author, or an architect, or a screenwriter, or a special events coordinator, or a flight attendant, or a traveling waiter.

Why does life try to confine us to the monotony of a single career? Why can't we allow ourselves to realize our full potential in a number of professions?

I imagine myself looking down at a city. The shop owners, the street performers, the businessmen, the average everyday people that really aren't average at all -- they all go about their daily lives and I want to be them. Not one of them, but all of them. I want to experience every aspect of life in all of its beauty and glory. I want to soak in every detail and share them with the world. I want to learn, spend my entire life learning.

And I can't do that chained to a career that hides me from the wonders of the world.

And I'm scared that's what will happen to me. I'll become bound by the troubles of life, and abandon these dreams, abandon this hunger to learn, and ultimately abandon the person I am.

And die leaving nothing behind but the possessions I gained toiling away.

No knowledge.

No legacy.

No memories.

Just stuff.

The Heart and Soul

There exists a phrase spoken over and over again. We call upon it at times when we face our biggest struggles. It's so deceptively simple, yet vastly misunderstood.

What is this phrase you ask?

Heart and Soul.

"He put his heart and soul into it."
"Give it your heart and soul!"

These two words are so often used together that I fear they may have lost their identity as individual characteristics.

Heart is what we feel. What we believe in. It's that feeling for the ones we love, the memories we cherish, and things we hope for. It holds the emotion that drives us. It is the heart.

But the soul, the soul holds the unrelenting force that wells up inside you and compels you. The souls is everything you have ever dreamed, everything you have ever imagined. It's the power that keeps you up at night wondering about the intricacies of the world. The soul is the part we all-to-often forget. It falls by the wayside. But I say hold onto your soul. It is these dreams, these wonderings, these relentless imaginations that define who you are.

Hold on to these things.

Hold onto you soul.


-Jordan

Is it Real?

He use to think he knew what love was. He met her on April 1st, 2007 at approximately 9am. It's crazy, he knows, you can't love somebody at first glance right? But he thought he did. From that very first moment, her shimmering laugh echoing down the empty school hallway as the sunlight streamed through the double doors behind her, he knew he wanted nothing more than to be by her side. He wanted to hold her hand, wanted her to laugh at all his jokes, wanted her to want him. But he was just a silly seventh grader - he couldn't know what love was right?

But that seventh grader grew into an eight grader, a freshman, a sophomore, a junior, a senior, and once more is a freshman. All the while, the girl with the shimmering laugh stayed in his mind. They had the same friends, they were friends. He thought about her constantly, imagined a future with her. He could see them walking in the park holding hands, kids playfully running around them. It could happen. He wanted it to happen. It was an unstoppable pull in his chest. The one thing he truly knew and understood.

But he didn't.

Now, the girl with the shimmering laugh and the boy haven't spoken in months. She has changed, he has changed - their lives no longer cross paths. But he still thinks about her, still imagines a life with her, and he is happy. He looks for another, someone to replace this feeling.

And he may have just found it.

Tick-Tock

Time

It's a simple word, only four letters. It represents so much more than that. We talk about spending time, making time, wasting time, finding time, killing time, and the list goes on and on. We value it, as if it's some form of currency to be given and taken away, or some being that we can create or destroy. Why is that? We put so much value into it, yet we spend it on the most frivolous of things. Is time at your job more important than time with your family? Is time spent holding a grudge better than the time spent free of that burden? Is time spent harboring guilt over something you didn't take the time to do better than the time you could of spent doing it. Have you ever had to say goodbye to somebody and, in that instant of parting, you wish you had more time - more time to tell them everything, more time to laugh, more time to just BE. But the time is gone, and you're left standing there with nothing but the echo of the clock to accompany you. Don't be there. Cherish each moment you breath - because, at the end of the day, nothing is certain.

Don't just value time, cherish it.

Learn freely,

Jordan

Over My Head

"Everyone knows I'm in over my head, over my head." - The Fray

I woke up this morning with this song replaying over and over in my mind. I don't know what weird dream brought it on, but I CAN tell you why my subconscious decided to choose that song. For the first time in my life I truly feel like I'm in over my head.

Book creating, event planning, show directing, article reading, Arabic studying, money making, meeting attending, and the list goes on and on.

This is the first time that I have felt completely overwhelmed. I have a million things to do and not nearly enough time to do it in. What do I choose to do? What do I do first? What can I afford to put off? What if all of it has to be done?

So I skip meals, skip sleep, skip friends, skip homework (worst idea). And I just try to hang on with everything I have.

I am in over my head.

Wish me luck.

I'll Walk Across the World

I'll walk across the world
I'll walk across the map
Even though my legs are tired
I'll take another lap
I don't know, why I love
Everything you do
I just know, that I would
Do anything for you