The Origin of the Name

There has been a lot of talk about blogging from my friends lately, and lo and behold -- here I sit writing yet another post that may end up lost in the dark catacombs of the internet. A single drop of water in the vastness that is the ocean. Still, I keep typing.

Is it the need to get my thoughts out that drives me? Perhaps I write so people will understand? Maybe I am some arrogant jerk who thinks people are just standing in line to hear what I have to say? So many reasons to write, but why am I doing it?

The truth is, I am writing to learn.
About myself.
About life.
About this great big world we live in, and all the people that live on it.

In most of my friendships I am the loud one -- the spontaneous one some would say. And I love it. Love the fact that people view me as fun, that people call me up to go on adventures, that in a ever-changing world - people can count on me and my ever-present smile. But it takes a lot of energy being that person. Every morning I put on the mask, its part of my routine: get in the shower, brush your teeth, fix your hair, put on that smile. And I walk out my door with that smile plastered to my face, ready to face the big scary world. Fearless -- but lying.

I am scared. Scared of the future. Scared to love. Scared to be hurt. Scared to fail.

Scared to learn.

But now I am saying enough is enough. The courage will grow from knowledge and faith. Knowledge that I can embrace the future, love deeper, feel something real, fail and try again. But most importantly I will concur the fear of learning. I will learn about myself. I will learn about life. I will learn about this great big world, and all the people that live here. I will learn openly.


I will learn freely.